Date Night
by kingxana0
Summary: Jaune realizes that despite asking out many a girl he had no real experience with dating, so he asks the one person he is sure has that experience, Yang. Oh how he will come to regret that decision.
1. Chapter 1

The day had started normally enough for Yang, sitting inside and reading up for a 'surprise' test she had managed to get Port to spill the needed chapters for. Many people probably believed that the blonde bruiser had no care for grades, but in truth she was probably one of the top scoring students in Beacon in terms of tests. How much of that was her skill and how much of it came from the fact that she constantly read Weiss and Blake's notes was unknown.

A knock on the door interrupted Yang's reading, and the young woman turned her head. "It's unlocked, come in!"

The door opened and Jaune entered, looking around for a moment before turning toward Yang. "Where is the rest of the team?" he asked.

Yang shrugged, putting her book down and stretching herself out. "Don't know, probably busy with other stuff, did you want me to leave a message for Ruby or something?" more likely it probably had to do with whatever Jaune's latest scheme to capture Weiss's heart was, but she wanted to give the guy the benefit of the doubt.

"Uh no actually, I wanted to talk to you, guess I got lucky huh?" Jaune laughed awkwardly and scratched the back of his head, more than a bit of nervousness in his voice.

That got a raised eyebrow out of the blonde brawler. "Is this about my secret hot guy harem?" she turned her head, spying Zwei sitting on Ruby's bunk and looking at her. "Which is totally not a thing I have." She said a bit louder than necessary.

"What?" Jaune asked, more confused than anything else.

Yang looked around the room before putting a hand next to her mouth to muffle the sound. "I am at least eighty percent sure that my Dad put a secret tape recorder on Zwei."

Jaune blinked and looked over at the dog, which simply rolled onto its back and stuck its tongue out happily. "Right… uh…anyway no it wasn't about any secret harems…"

"Which I don't have." Yang said, casting another distrusting glance toward Zwei.

"…yeah…" Jaune said in a voice that held more than a bit of hesitation to it now.

Yang rolled her eyes and sat up on the bed. "So what can I do you for?"

"Well, you know how I kind of end up asking a lot of girls out right?"

Yang smirked. "Oh yeah a real ladies man, pretty sure you have been striking up all zeroes recently huh stud?"

Jaune laughed a bit, unable to deny what the Huntress was saying. "Yeah, but I kind of realized that even if a girl did say yes I don't really have any experience taking girls on dates, I mean I know the basics because of my sisters but I don't really have any practice you know?"

"Sure." Yang responded, wondering where this minirant was going.

"And I figured you would probably know a lot about dates since you are…well I mean." He waved his hands in her general direction.

"Smoking hot and the bane of restful dreams?" Yang added in with a coy smirk, knowing that she could cause the easily flustered boy to blush.

"Right, yeah, that," her assumption was proven correct as the blonde boy's entire face became a uniform shade of scarlet. "So I figured that uh… would you go on a mock date with me so I could figure out what I need to do in case I ever get to go on a real one?" Jaune asked, words spilling out of his mouth quickly.

His request took Yang completely by surprise. It wasn't the first time someone had asked her on a date, but it was the first time someone asked her to do something like this. For a moment she pondered the request. It wouldn't be a real date, just helping a friend out, and if the situations were reversed she knew that Jaune would probably help her. She shrugged and put on her usual cocky smirk. "Well fine, if you so desperately need my help then I can't just say no can I?"

Jaune smiled brightly and nodded. "Oh man that's so awesome, how about tomorrow night, I will get all the stuff ready for it" he turned around and went to the door, only for the rest of team RWBY to walk in. "Ladies." Jaune said with a silly grin and a bow of his head before walking out of the room.

Ruby tilted her head as the boy left. "He seemed pretty chipper; did he get good news or something?"

Yang laughed a bit and picked up her school book. "Even better, he just got a date with the hottest girl in school."

Blake rolled her eyes, already annoyed at the way this conversation was going. She carefully avoided Zwei's line of sight and sat back on her bed, content with just pretending that she wasn't here.

Ruby put a hand to her chin and smiled. "So Jaune finally asked Pyrrha out, or was it the other way around?"

Yang glared at her little sister. "No he didn't ask out Pyrrha."

Ruby blinked in confusion. "Oh, uh Blake I didn't…"

"No," Blake said, picking up her book. "Just…no."

"I thought Nora and Ren were a thing through." Ruby said, grasping at straws at this point.

"Hey why am I not on this list?" Weiss asked, annoyed at her removal from the list of hottest girls in Beacon. Besides Jaune always asked her out, why wouldn't she be at the top of guesses?

"Well I mean Yang said hottest in all of Beacon," Ruby noticed the hellfire in Weiss's eyes and decided to go for a different approach. "And you always shoot him down so I figured there wasn't too great of a chance for that to happen."

Weiss seemed to accept this with a nod.

Yang grunted and looked at them. "He asked me out, jeesh didn't think I had to spell it out." Through she wouldn't admit it she took was annoyed at somehow not making it on the list above everyone else.

Ruby's smile disappeared, replaced by a look of abject terror. "He, you, what?"

"Come on Ruby, it's just a date." Yang was a bit surprised at her reaction, she expected a bit of shock or playful teasing, but the look of fear on her sister's face was plain to see.

"Yang do you not…remember how your dates usually end?" Ruby asked, blinking at her sister in confusion.

"What you talking about Ruby?" Yang asked, unsure of what she was talking about.

"You…wow you really don't remember," Ruby walked over and jumped onto the top bunk, petting Zwei for a minute. "Do you remember your first date?"

Yang shrugged. "Vaguely?"

Ruby took a deep breath and sighed. "You were fifteen, went out with some dude from your class. You ended up breaking both of his legs and starting a fire that burned the entire gym."

Yang's eyebrows shot up. "Wait a minute, that sounds like something I would remember."

Weiss pulled out her Scroll and typed a search. "Here it is 'fire destroys gym, started during a dance by a girl whose date stepped on her foot'."

"That…that could have been anyone." Yang replied, not wanting to believe the truth.

"Or your second date, where the guy ended up in a full body cast when he took you out to dinner," Ruby looked down at Zwei. "Oh, and the restaurant got set on fire."

"That seems to be a running theme." Blake said, turning the page on a book she wasn't really reading.

"Listen I don't…" Yang's eyes suddenly widened as memory after memory that had been deeply suppressed up to that point came flooding back. "Oh…" she said in a small voice.

Weiss continued scrolling through the various pages. "It's actually kind of impressive how much pure chaos you can cause in a single evening."

"That's not something to be proud of through!" Yang said, putting her head down in her hands. "Oh crap, what happens if I kill Jaune, I am pretty sure that Pyrrha will kill me?"

Ruby hoped over to her sister, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Hey, don't worry; at most he will end up in a body cast for a few weeks."

Yang glared at Ruby.

"Okay what if we went on the date and made sure that the two of you don't end up burning anything down?" Ruby suggested looking to her other team members. "It can be like a group exercise in strategy and stealth."

Weiss and Blake gave each other a small look. They both knew that this would no doubt end badly, but neither could resist the idea of being there to see whatever was going to happen.

"We're in." both of them said.

"Right!" Ruby jumped down, Zwei still in her arms. "Operation Make Sure Jaune Doesn't Die starts now!"

* * *

Yep another comedy and slightly crack fic. How will the date go? Will Jaune get his spine broken? How will anyone possibly survive the next night? Find out in the next chapter.

Drop a review if you find it funny and can't wait for more. Catch you guys later.


	2. Unhelpful Advice

Operation Make Sure Jaune Doesn't Die was going to be a horrible failure, at least that was the thought in Ruby's mind as she watched Blake and Weiss trying to go through a list of acceptable things to be done on a date. Normally this would be downright helpful to a girl whose dates had ended with injury to her partners and an odd fire or two, but it turned out that in order to give advice on a matter like this one tended to need experience.

And in a reveal that Ruby should have seen coming it turned out that all of the members of team RWBY shared at least one common thing with each other despite their differences.

None of them had a single clue as to what normal people did on dates.

"Okay hold on a second," Yang raised her hands up to quiet down her two teammates and looked over them as if they had suddenly sprouted extra heads. "I just want to see if I can get this straight."

The two girls quieted down and looked at Yang with confused expression, not really understanding what the miscommunication was in what had been, in their opinions, rather solid advice.

"Okay so Weiss, you have never gone on a date that wasn't set up by your family, and Blake's usual dates ended up with her one boyfriend ever trying to kill any humans that happened to be around," Yang looked at her friends with a newfound sense of understanding of both women. "And you are giving me advice?"

Both girls paused and looked at each other sheepishly as the dawning realization that they weren't exactly experts began to sink in. "Well it can't be that hard, all you have to do is um..." Weiss tilted her head to the side. "What exactly is he planning anyway?"

Yang shrugged. "Its going to be a suprise, or I mean he didn't tell me anything about the plan. Should I ask him?"

"No, you said this was going to help him build confidence, if you start asking questions like that the end result would be a negative one, like you were showing doubt in his abilities before ever seeing them displayed." Blake muttered sagely as she too came to the realization that her experience didn't really help in this situation. Adam hadn't exactly been a dinner and a movie kind of guy.

Ruby let out a sigh of exasperation. "So we just wasted three hours on advice that amounts to Weiss proving that she is boring and finding out exactly how many millions of dollars Blake's dates caused in damages?" the younger girl rubbed her temples for a moment. A leader was supposed to be able to deal with any problems that her teammates might have, even ones as seemingly small as this. Besides that she was Jaune's friend and Yang's sister, there wasn't any chance she would want either to get hurt.

And with Yang's track record there was no doubt in her mind that Jaune Arc would either be dead or dying after a night of wooing Yang.

"I am calling in outside help," Ruby finally declared, lifting her Scroll up and shifting through the numbers in her phone. "At least one person we know must have some sort of normal dating life."

Yang smiled brightly at her sisters plan and gave a thumbs up to the younger girl. "Thats a perfect idea Ruby, with the help of all of our friends I am sure we can figure out how to save Jaune."

**Four hours later**

Ruby closed the video call and dropped her head in defeat. "I give up, Jaune is going to die and its all your fault Yang."

"How is any of this my fault?!" she cried out in exasperation. "He is the one who asked me out."

"But you did accept his offer." Blake pointed out, feeling a bit happier in the knowledge that apparently she wasn't the only person with no idea what normal dates were within their group.

"And it lead to disaster, once again proving me correct." added Weiss with a satisfied smile, elated by the fact that she had correctly assumed that any date with Jaune Arc would inevitably end badly one way or the other.

"I can't believe that no one had any useful advice." Yang muttered.

In fact Yang was being quite generous by saying the advice was useless, most of it made it seem like her destruction was almost normal.

The first person they had contacted was Sun, who upon hearing about the issue brought Neptune and himself in order to help explain how a more proper date should go. Sun had been first and had talked about a number of dates he had been on, most of which seemed like fine examples. But then Neptune had started correcting him, pointing out that one of the dates had been a spy, one of the others had been arrested because he had been stealing with her, and the third had just spent the entire date obsessing over Neptune.

Neptune had seemed like a more obvious choice, after all the young man hit on enough girls with the kind of confidence that seemingly came from experience. But it seemed that most of his dates tended to end the second he started hitting on other girls in the middle of a date. Just hearing the descriptions put an almost demonic look on the four girls faces, as if they were sizing him up for a coffin.

After kicking the boys out Ruby sighed. "Okay so they were dumb, but come on not all of our friends could be that useless."

All of their friends were that useless.

Their next move was trying to contact a group of older students, and who better then Coco and Velvet from team CFVY? The two girls were another year ahead of them, and no doubt filled with experiences that none of them had thought to experience yet.

They weren't technically wrong in those thoughts.

Coco had been the first to go, and at first it seemed like she had some rather good advice for Yang, even to the point where the other girls found themselves taking mental notes. And then she had began to talk about things that happened after the initial date, things that were normally kept a whole lot more private. The girls eyes widened as the well dressed second year continued her explanations with a rather proud look, using terminology and examples that formed bright red blushes on the four girls faces just from hear them.

And Yang thought that she was rather caviler when it came to guys. She was nowhere near Coco's level.

By the time she finished Ruby had fallen over on her bed seemingly frozen in shock from the adult content of the discussion, only giving an occasional twitch. Yang wasn't even sure Ruby would be able to look a boy in the face without blushing for at least a few weeks after the surge of information suddenly rammed into her brain.

The exact opposite reaction was pulled from Velvet, as even discussing the most innocent things on a date brought a blush bright enough to be used as a light source to her face, and the idea of holding a persons hand almost seemed to make the poor faunus pass out on the spot. Her overall shyness didn't really help Yang out either.

When they left Yang put her head into her hands and let out a long breath. "Coco is way to much, and Velvet it way to shy, I don't think either of their advice is going to be of much use."

Blake looked up from the sheet of paper she had used to copy down Coco's 'advice' and slowly slid it behind her. "Right, maybe we need an opinion from women outside of Beacon?"

And so it came to pass that Emerald and Cinder had ended up in team RWBY's dorm room with rather confused expressions.

After explaining the situation to the two the women looked at each other for almost a full minute, as if having an telepathic conversation with each other before turning to face the young girls.

"I am sure that we can help." Cinder said in her ever low tone.

They hadn't.

Emerald's explanation of how a typical date should go was clinical, detached, as if she were describing the way one might go about properly cleaning a house or buying groceries. She gave point by point lines and ways to look, giving demonstrations of facial expressions and vocal tones that made a date sound more boring then anything else, with a seeming end goal of having whoever was with her buy the most things before the end of the date.

With her it was difficult not to fall asleep just listening to it.

Cinder explanation almost made a date sound like a battlefield, with every action being a performance in order to one up the person you were going out with. If one person was going to pay the other person had to look better then what was being paid for. A nice dinner required even better dress to show who was in control of the situation. Always a step ahead and a plan forward.

Listening to Cinder chilled the girls to the bone, and when the two left the group let out a sigh of relief.

"Maybe we are going about this the wrong way." Ruby admitted as she finally stopped shivering from Cinder's explanation.

"You think?" Yang asked in a rather sarcastic tone. They had used most of the day but were no closer to giving her a way to prevent her from accidentlly killing the blonde boy that wanted to do nothing more then take her on a test date.

"Well you are going with Jaune right, so who would know better about how to act around him then his teammates?" Ruby gave a nod, proud of her own logic.

Even Weiss gave a nod to their leader. "It is sound logic, you don't need to know how to not kill anyone, just how to not go about killing Jaune."

There were three people whom knew Jaune better then anyone else, their advice and hints at how to properly go about dating him would no doubt be a trump card.

Or that was the thought at the least.

After a few messages had been sent the NPR of JNPR fond themselves in team RWBY's room, unsure of why they had been summoned but ready to assist with anything that was needed.

"How can we help?" Pyrrha asked in her usual docile tone.

"Well Jaune asked me on a dat-" Yang paused as a sudden wave of murderous intent seemed to form in the room, as if all of the light had been absorbed by a black hole.

"I see, pardon me I forgot I have something to do." Pyrrha's face was smiling, however it was the smile a shark would happily give its wounded prey before ripping into it with her teeth.

On a probably unrelated note quite a few students were sent to the infirmary with depleted Aura's and painful bruises from the sparing arena. Probably unrelated.

Probably.

With his partner having up and left Yang turned to the Nora and Ren and sought advice from their experience.

Apparently this too was a useless path. Many people had asked them out before, but all the guys who asked Nora out had always called or sent her a message canceling at the last minute, and Ren's face became quite suspicious when Nora mentioned that. The same was true when the girls asked Ren about his own dating experiences, saying that the girls either ran away from him afterward or ended up with mysterious broken bones. Nora began to whistle a jaunty tune at that, looking completely innocent as only she could.

After that Yang had just called it quits on calling in outside help.

"Maybe his plans will be so good that nothing will happen?" Ruby with a voice that screamed her inner doubt.

Yang lowered her head and sighed. She was going to end up killing that boy.

* * *

Jaune looked at the holographic screen for a moment with a confident smile, typing out a few things on it before nodding. "Perfect, nothing could possibly go wrong.

* * *

_**Oh Jaune, honey, darling, no. You don't hand me lines like that. **_

_**Anywho this is the end of this long awaited chapter for a story I never knew I was coming back too. If you are interested in me continuing feel free to drop a review. Favorites and Follows are always liked but nothing warms my dead heart like a nice and proper review.**_

_**See you guys soon.**_


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